Noodle died today. She had been getting progressively weaker over the past few days and I cared for her to the best of my ability, trying to keep her relaxed and in relative comfort. I had to force her to drink water from a dropper several times daily and I could not get her to eat on her own. The entire situation was heartbreaking and made me feel helpless, a feeling I expect I will have to get used to as a full-time farmer. Why couldn't I just put the poor girl down? Was I causing her suffering by allowing her to linger?
It's hard to say, but I know this. I was attached. I raised that tiny flock from day-old chicks and I was so deeply involved with their lives that the line between pet and livestock was a big smudged up mess. I loved that chicken. I love all 4 of them. Loosing one of them hurts.
I am sad that she will never get to experience the new farm, though who knows...life here may have ended up being better for the flock. There are few threats in Brooklyn and they get lots of attention. A fox could come through and steal their lives in New Jersey and I guess that's just part of the deal. If that happens, I'll be very sad about it but I'll try like mad to keep it from happening.
I did the best I could for that poor, sweet chook, but I can't help but feel like I failed at something.